I'm honestly still figuring this out myself. I at least know that I am genderqueer, which means that I don't feel like I fit neatly into either category of "man" or "woman". Rather, my goal is to present, first and foremost, as a queer person and be able to mix-and-match gender markers as I see fit. Basically, expect that my gender presentation to get more ambiguous as time goes on.
This matters because its part-and-parcel with what it means for me to do software engineering. A blog post I wrote about my time at Software Should Work helped me discover this connection. That experience is likely the reason I felt it important to link this page to you.
Indeed. To me, this term means basically the same thing as non-binary, I just prefer a term that is not a definition-by-exclusion is all. The way I consider this question instead is that I embody many gendered personas, and my sense of whole self exists in the constellation of all of those.
If you already know me, then little to no changes are required; I'm still the same person I've always been. However, I am telling you all about this to encourage both masculine-coded and feminine-coded terms, like "brother" or "sister". If something I'm doing scans a certain way for you, call it like you see it! Ungendered terms are fine too.
Please put your greetings in the same message as your actual message when IMing me. Yeah fine okay... this has nothing to do with gender at all, but it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine because I feel bad if you're needlessly waiting for me to say "Hi" back, especially when each conversational turn of async communication takes me out of my flow state.
Demonstration: "Alex is a software engineer. They're specialized in troubleshooting and systems analysis, and that's what excites them."
What to avoid: don't refer to my sex as if it's my gender (you really shouldn't be doing that to anyone). Similarly, I feel icky about being called a man or a woman because it makes me feel like you didn't even read this.
Don't worry too much about slipping up, just correct yourself and move on and try not to bring undesired attention to the mistake. Effort is what counts.
Contact me! I am more than happy to discuss any SFW topic, no matter how silly you think your question sounds. I will be updating the FAQ as I talk to more people.
If you find yourself "thinking a lot" about your gender or are questioning, please please get in touch omg. I imagine you're pretty scared (and for good reason). Well, me too; I'm doing it scared. The benefits are worth it. You're worth it.